Khairulorama. Life and Work Notes.

Pain is the predecessor of success.

The housemen equations !

with 4 comments

 

When I checked the comments that I have received for the last few years, mostly are negative comments of the housemenship life. This is among one of them.

Read this;

Hi, I feel the need to write up after reading parts of this article.

I am a houseman, currently in my fifth posting and I am in my saddest part in my life ever. I am one of the excellent students when I was in my secondary school and I have a good grade hence my parents decided I should take up the medicine course even though I was against it. I was a bookworm and when I was young, I’d like to make some research and from there I knew I was not fit for medical profession, and I didn’t like the complexity and the craze competition in the medical field. But what can I do, my parents’ voices are like the soul demand for me and I reluctantly joined the best university in my country. And believed me, I got extended in every year but I managed to pass on the second trial. I don’t feel proud, I feel sad and angry, but I managed to cover them up by being with my friends.

The worse part came. I was doing very badly in my housemanship training and it’s killing me. I cried almost every day, I even cried when I was driving, and sometimes I shed tears while in the seminar room during CME session. I find it hard for me to memorize my patient’s problem and I don’t find myself as a safe doctor. However I can perform the procedure, that’s not a problem. I can complete a task, I can do simple management but now I feel myself losing. I became very inattentive, unable to concentrate at all and I feel worthless. I am dying. I even go to the extent of thought of dying, or thinking why people around the world commit suicide. The way I could enjoy my life is by driving my car; I sped up to 200 km per hour without even wearing a seat belt. I don’t care if I crash, but so far I survived. For the past few days, I became very upset with my working life; I slept in my car for 2 days. I consider myself losing badly, I felt unkempt, I don’t tie my hair properly, my lips crack coz I deprived of food and water coz I have no appetite.

I prefer to be distant from everybody. Right now, I blame everybody. I prefer to be left alone. I am in a serious depression right now I decided to see a counselor for a desperate way out. I literally am crying in my heart. Many times I told my mom I want to resign since last year but she wanted me to suck it up and move on. No one is reliable. So when my specialist asked me if anything is bothering me, I burst out and cried in front of him, I couldn’t hold it anymore. By next week, I wanted out and if anyone try to hold me back . . . try me. My motivation to go on is zero, well done.

Life is sucks, the end.

Farra.

Yes, housemanship is tough. I agree! 

But the tough training will bring the best in ourselves. When the going gets tough, the tough gets going! . And before anything else,  sincere condolences to the family of Dr Lee Cheng Tat.

To make things clear, doctors you are dealing with life and death situations. Actually, most of the time your MO’s are! 

There is no study yet to stay that our housemen/MO are in deep shit.

Several formula that I made up today, ( I am post post call, still having some light headedness- when I was just about to arrive to the bus station to buy ticket to KL around 6.30pm my poor kancil broke down, before that, there were no electricity so no elevators to Tingkat 8, and my housemen didn’t clerked new patients properly, and I didn’t go to lunch because the weather was so hot in Kuantan so I opted to stay indoors on a Friday afternoon! )

Formula #1

The life pressures + patients + overworked + poor coping skill will eventually go into self deliberate harm.

I did my housemen for two straight years with more than 90+  hours per week and that was in 2008. But hey I am still here. I love Hosp Serdang air conditioned environment.  I am still running, and I am  still holding. Sometimes  feel like dying, but then after a a good rest, everything is well. Nadiah would say just go to sleep!

I feel that I am in the  toughest part of medicine now , which is the Medical Department.

Nowadays, housemen are abundant, and have a special time scheme, good for them,  Graduate Medical Officer Flexi Timetable system, whatever shifts systm, 60-70 hours per week with a day off. EOD calls are history. MO’s no! We are the tough bunch!

Again, being doctor is very tough! Incredibly tough! the MBBS! , Housemanship and then MO and then Masters, and then Specialist and then Consultant. It is a tough process indeed. As Dr Pagalavan’s puts it, working like a dog.

Dr Pagalavan’s mentioned in his blog,

I pity all those medical officers and specialist who are also overworked but never appeared in the newspaper!!

Yeah true enough. Life is tough!

Formula  #2

Personal problems + Relationship problems + Family problems + Patient’s problem + Problematic bosses = Deep shit! 

You will be super stressed! Super duper stressed!

Formula # 3

Bad calls + not eating = Very bad call! 

Formula #4

Good high school students with good grades  does not equal to good doctors. A good person is a good doctor! This was from my Prof before. Prof Naznin and Dr Abdul Wahab.

Formula # 5

Dr House and Grey Anatomy  are  just  wrong! 

I wrote this before : Finally a doctor attempted suicide! and now see what happened!

In a hospital, you can see lots and lots of characters, neurotic specialist, god father- like consultants, robotic housemens, nice and loving sisters, PMS nurses, good buddy like MAs, and so on.

But the core of the matter is, you are who you are! F*ck  everyone!

You are in your zone!

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Written by M Khairul Z

April 15, 2012 at 1:17 am

Posted in Uncategorized

4 Responses

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  1. […] The housemanship equations Share this:FacebookTwitterPrintEmailLike this:LikeBe the first to like this […]

  2. c’mon man, treat it as a military training. u can do it. u sure can, dood……

    teh bee

    October 29, 2013 at 12:03 am

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